A week ago I found myself being overwhelmed with hurt and breaking down when asked, “what was wrong?”. The thing is it wasn’t my own hurt that I was overwhelmed with. It was from family, friends, and even some who I’d still consider strangers. Within the past couple of months I have heard more stories of heartache then I have in my whole life. I just couldn’t understand why God kept on bringing these people into my life, why I was the one they chose to share their stories with. The pain was beginning to eat at me and add to my existent anxiety.
Physical and Emotional Scars
Uncertainty with God
I could not understand why God kept on putting these people in my life. Why all of a sudden I have become the one who they turned to. Why they trusted me so much to hear them at their lowest point. The night that I broke down in front of my mom I later went to go do my devotional like I do every night. This night I had landed in 2 Timothy the verses that had stood out from the page were 2 Timothy 1: 6 -7. These verses focused on rekindling your spiritual gift that we received and to constantly use it.
6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
A couple months ago I was really trying to understand spiritual gifts and figure out what they mean and how to identify which one I had. I took every stupid internet test that offered” an answer. I had always thought that maybe wisdom was my gift but it was nothing that I felt the Lord was really affirming. I later got wrapped up in my 30 day beauty challenge that I put studying the spiritual gifts to the side. When the concept of spiritual gifts had popped up in my devotional I had decided to try and study the text again and look into the different gifts the spirit gives. Some helpful verses for reference include: Romans 12:6-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:8-28
The gift of mercy appeared to me that night. I could just feel the Lord answering my questions right there. Telling me why I was overwhelmed, why He had put these people in my life. Why I feel the pain when I’m with these people pouring out their hearts. Why I can sense the hurt that my loved ones are facing when I’m hundreds of miles away.
The Lord always answers. It may not be the exact moment you want it or in the exact form that you wish for it to be in. I had prayed months ago for the Lord to just use me, and of course when he did I questioned his motives.
-I’m Not A Writer, I’m Just Trying to Save Money on Buying A Diary-